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That awkward moment when a cup of tea changes your entire outlook on your approach to dating and romance.

I was sipping a cup of cocoa spice Yogi tea. If you've never had Yogi tea before, the tags on each bag have sweet little sayings on them. This particular cup wasn't the best - I let the water go cold, and the sugar hadn't a chance to dissolve and settled defiantly at the bottom of the mug - so I looked to the tag, thinking, 'at least give me some good advice.'

The tag said: Love is not fear or vengeance.

My immediate reaction was to lean back into my chair and think, 'well that's stupid.'

I thought it was stupid, and idealized, because love is never that easy. There is so much fear in love. I've not once been in love with someone that I didn't fear every single day that something would take a downward turn and all my affections, all my investment, would be for nothing.

But I thought longer.

And longer.

And finally realized something.

What I'm thinking of is trust. It's trust that causes fear.

Love, in it's purest, most incorruptible form, is without fear, but trust is an entirely different but related issue.

You must trust someone to love them. If you love before trusting, then there is fear. And this is why as much as I want that ideal soul-mate, I know I fear reaching out for them because I have a hard time trusting someone with the whole of me.

In the time it's taken to articulate this small epiphany, my second mug has gone cold.


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December 2014

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